Why do children steal?

Some parents have their hands full trying to keep their children 'in line' and are distressed when their children get into certain antisocial behaviour. Take stealing for example, how did they get into such a nasty habit? "After all, we're not thieves."

Case in point, this 11-year-old boy. His family are at their wits' end over his stealing. "He feels entitled to new phones and takes money without permission to spend in game halls," his relative said. "He also eats out his niece's food when he finds it in the refrigerator. He seems to be without conscience."

He has other habits that are cause for concern. He is disobedient, lazy, leaves the house very late for school and comes home quite late at times. Yet, his relative said, he very bright and charming.

So why do some children steal and what can be done about it? We asked Dr Kai Morgan, a clinical psychologist based at the University Hospital of the West Indies, and some of the reasons could surprise parents.

attention

For example, she said it could be that they want to get attention from caregivers and friends; they want to fill a need that they perceive exists and they can't fulfil any other way; or they want to feel accepted when peers have material things that they don't.

"If the child is stealing to garner more attention from his or her parents, then stealing may be a sign of anger towards these parents that he or she has perceived to be neglectful, and the stolen objects become a substitute for the love and nurture that they really crave."

She advised that if parents address stealing appropriately, in most cases as the child grows older, the stealing stops. "The first order of business for the parents/caregivers is to find out WHY the child has been stealing, reiterate that it is wrong and WHY, and institute some consequences for the theft (e.g. repayment or return of the stolen items) ensuring that the child has not benefited in ANY WAY (emotionally, or financially) from the theft. Importantly, caregivers should not make the child feel as if they are considered a 'thief' or be called any other negative/derogatory names and should make every attempt to give the child a second chance to start anew."

Dr Morgan said that stealing can become compulsive in that, it may have initially started as a need to fulfil some emotional or physical desire but becomes more than that. Some children steal even when there is no financial, physical or material need..."in these cases, stealing is an inappropriate maladaptive response to filling an emotional need and these cases are more severe (and are usually accompanied by other behavioural problems such as acting out, oppositional and defiant behaviours etc.), and warrant professional intervention as this is usually suggestive of trust, intimacy issues and deep-seated family problems that may have interfered with the child's emotional development."

If left unchecked, she said, these symptoms,when accompanied by a total disregard for rules and regulations and lack of remorse or empathy, often lead to the child becoming an antisocial, disordered adult.