Gordon Robinson | Timing is everything

All mind sports including dominoes, bridge and chess, are microcosms of life and education on life strategies.

They teach the value of logic, analysis, memory and timing. Speaking of, it’s time for a pop quiz. As my old physics teacher, the great Father Winshman, would say (grinning mischievously) “Take out a half sheet a paper!”

You hold six-ace; five-trey; double-trey; double-deuce; deuce-ace; deuce-blank; double-blank. Right hand opponent (RHO) poses double-six (Gene Autry’s House Rules); partner plays six-trey; LHO six-five. Quick, what’s your play? Answer at the end. No peeking.

Clues abound in the following Shaggy Dog tale told by Haemorrhoid after the Dunce, holding that very hand, made the wrong choice. Ernest H. Flower was a lazy trainee lawyer who earned his nickname by complaining incessantly about “piles and piles” of files on his desk.

He spoke about a New York taxi driver. Apologies if you’ve heard it before. Haemorrhoid was creative but not especially original. It’s an oldie but goodie:

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets in. The cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Peter.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Peter Parfitt. He’s a guy who always did everything right.”

Passenger: “Everybody makes mistakes.”

Cabbie: “Not Peter Parfitt. He was a terrific athlete. He could’ve won the tennis Grand-Slam. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone; danced like a Broadway star; and you should’ve heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.’”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine;, which foods to order; and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Peter could do everything right every single time.”

Passenger: “Wow, what a guy!”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me. I always seem to get stuck in ’em. Peter never made a mistake. And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.

“He’d never answer her back even if she was in the wrong. Also his clothing was always immaculate; shoes highly polished too.

“He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Peter Parfitt.”

Passenger: “How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “I never actually met Peter. He died and I married his widow”’

Ah, timing!

On Thursday last, Gleaner’s front page screamed “STEP TOWARDS TYRANNY”. Jeez Louise, I thought, what’s Trump up to now? How many Los Angeles protesters have his marines shot?

Nope, it was about an unarmed Joint Select Committee considering a resolution to remove Auditor General (AudGen) from the Integrity Commission (IC). The headline was a quote from a civil society group leader who seemed to have interpreted the move as the beginning of the Apocalypse.

Sigh.

How many times must I tell you appointments, authority and status in this world are temporary? If we want national progress, this widespread obsession with personality cultism whereby the occupant means more than the job must take a back seat to policy analysis.

Pamela Monroe-Ellis won’t live forever. Even AudGen’s official functions can be reviewed. So let’s look at this latest brouhaha from a policy perspective. Ignore personalities. Reject ridiculous notions of conflict of interest as AudGen has no interest in either organisation’s outcomes. She has only statutory and constitutional duties which don’t conflict with any personal interest. This doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a good idea to have AudGen on IC.

In my opinion, anticorruption Commissions should include only three Commissioners. In a small, tribal, nation every additional member is a possible vector of the very virus the Commission is to treat. The Chair should have legal and two independent Commissioners forensic accounting and security expertise.

That’s all. Anybody else is superfluous.

So a Joint Select Committee reviewing Integrity Commission Act has every right to review IC’s structure and composition. But it appears to be conducting a personal instead of policy related review thus bringing its motives into question.

Also, an election year isn’t the time to consider such a fundamental change. This should be an AFTER election exercise. The timing is bad.

Peace and Love.

P.S. Correct play is double-trey. The premature choice of two treys is bad timing and endangers double-trey. Firstly you’d signal to partner you don’t have it. Secondly your weak hand contains too many doubles to put one unnecessarily at risk. Thirdly, RHO is certain to cut trey if he can (he too has eyes). So wait. Play five-trey to him later when he’s more vulnerable to treys.

In dominoes, as in life, timing is everything.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com