Portland hospitality

I had heard a faint, rustling sound behind me but honestly thought nothing of it. It was a windy morning afterall, and there were a lot of trees and bushes around. In any case, I was busy gazing at the scenery before me in Hope Bay, Portland. I had found myself on a hill overlooking a large area of open, green land that looked like it had been untouched since creation. The air was fresh and the temperature perfect. I almost forgot where I was. That is, until I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Wah deh gwaan?" someone shouted. Surprised by the sudden remark, I whirled around, fists clenched, ready to swing, feet limber, ready for take-off.

It was the welcoming smile on the face of the man standing behind me that kept me still. He was a tall fellow, bearded, with dreadlocks. He wore a black T-shirt and carried a bag full of green bananas on his head. He had another bag slung over his left shoulder and held a machete in his right hand.

"Wah happen, man? Long time I nuh see you!" he said, seeming genuinely excited to see me. I smiled and returned the greeting, all the while searching my thoughts for some recollection of the man. I came up with nothing. Sheepishly, I was about to ask him if we had met before. The man with the bag of bananas on his head, though, kept speaking.

"You did gone weh? Mi know man! Is so yuh haffi go weh and come back some time," he said, nodding. "Is a pity Miss Nicey not here fi see yuh. She woulda please to know yuh is here."

That proved to me that the man had mistaken me for someone else. I tried to tell him but he hardly gave me a chance.

"Yuh keeping good though? Yeah man, yuh keeping good. It good when respectable gentleman like yuh can come back and see what is happening. Nice man, nice," he smiled.

"Di last time Miss Monica daughter see yuh she say you not coming back around here and mi tell har dat is not true. Mi will glad fi go tell har dat mi see you," he said.

Now the man had gone on for a good five minutes, with no real interruption from me. But for the intermittent "er ... ahm ... eem", I had said nothing. By the time he had paused to catch his breath, I felt so bad that he had wasted so much energy catching up with a complete stranger, that I decided to just let it be. I smiled and asked how he was doing.

"Well everything is everything. We give praise for guidance," he said. I asked how things were in Hope Bay.

"Well, di banana dem not doing too bad yuh know. Di thief dem getting wicked wid dem thiefing. Maas Gerald big bwoy pass him subject dem. Yuh should go look fi him! Him will glad fi see yuh."

I assured him that I would and asked where he was heading.

"Well, I never want to tell yuh, because I nuh know if yuh already know, but Miss Pearl dead yuh know. Yeah man, she dead last week. Dat wicked diabetes yuh see. Anyway, we going to cook some food, for di grave digging is tomorrow. I just go over ground go get some banana fi di cooking," he said.

I didn't want to keep him any longer, so I told him it was a pleasure seeing him, which, in my defence, was completely true and bid him farewell with a wave.

The man repositioned the bag of bananas on his head and headed off with a smile.

"Tek care ah yuhself, yuh hear. Yuh nuh fi so scarce. Yuh can come check we just fi say howdy sometime. Guidance!" he said.

Where should Robert go next? Let him know at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com

Feedback

Dear Robert,

I must be a sad individual because the first thing I look forward to every Tuesday is reading your article. I don't know how I would make it through the week if you weren't faithfully contributing your stories. Please keep it up. It's like life support for me.

- Jason Whitcher

The following are some of the feedback letters to last week's edition of Roving with Lalah.

Dear Robert,

This was indeed a funny article. I couldn't help but chuckle with you after hearing what Bwoy Bwoy did. Apparently, Bwoy Bwoy wanted to make Hill Run famous or put it in the limelight.

- JA-girl

Dear Robert,

You are the embodiment of things Jamaican. Being a 'country man', I am right there with you on your colourful and humorous stories. Keep up the good work.

- M.F.