Doctor's advice:Lasting long causing short relationships

Q: Doctor, I am a 22-year-old man. Something is wrong with me sexually. I had no idea of this until recently, and I thought I was completely normal. But my girlfriend says I have a problem, and that she will not marry me till it is cured. To go back to the beginning, I first had sex when I was 16. I thought it was great. And the girl told me it was wonderful for her because I had great control, and went on and on for two hours. She was older than I, and she told me that all her previous guys had ejaculated in about five minutes. For the next few years, life continued like that. Every time I went to bed with a girl, she congratulated me on my 'staying power'. I even had an affaire with a much older woman, and she said to me that she had never in her life known a guy who could last so long. Then I met my present girlfriend, who is, in fact, now my fiancée. We plan to get married next year. But she is threatening to break off our engagement because she says that I am not like other guys in bed. The difficulty is this, Doc. Although I can go on and on having intercourse for hours, I do not ejaculate inside the vagina. I just don't seem to be able to do that. So what happens is that after a couple of hours of sex, I eventually have to withdraw, and then orgasm outside. My fiancée says that this means I am scorning her. She wants me to climax inside her from now on. And her main point is that she thinks we will never be able to have children because I cannot orgasm inside her. What is going on, Doc? What is wrong with me?

A Well, you have what is actually the third-most common male sexual dysfunction. It is called retarded ejaculation (RE) or delayed ejaculation (DE). Some doctors still call it by its older name: ejaculatory incompetence.

Generally, guys who have RE tell a story very much like yours. From early adulthood, they have been able to control themselves, and endure for hours without reaching climax. To begin with, this may make them very popular with women because many females are pleased to have such prolonged stimulation.

But the difficulty is that the guy with RE simply cannot manage to orgasm inside the vagina. Sometimes, he cannot even climax in the same room as the woman, and has to go off and orgasm somewhere else. Fortunately, that is not the case with you, as you seem to be able to come just outside your fiancée's vagina.

Why does this happen? In a very few cases, RE is linked to some drug or medication that the guy is using. For instance, some antidepressants inhibit the ability to reach a climax.

But in most instances, the explanation is psychological. A lot of guys who have RE find it almost impossible to relax and let go. Deep down, they feel that orgasming inside the vagina would involve giving up control.

To be frank, often these men are very controlling in their personal lives. They like to be 'in command' of everything. It is notable that some of them are very successful in their careers, particularly if they are in jobs where they run things themselves, and don't allow for interference.

Does that describe your personality? Obviously, I cannot tell. But it is indisputable that you have RE, and that something must be done about it - and soon.

I advise you to go with your fiancée to a good psychotherapist or counsellor in order to discuss your feelings about orgasm. Generally, the therapist helps the guy to see that there is nothing dreadful about ejaculating inside the vagina.

Also, he or she can show you a technique in which the woman brings the man just to the brink of orgasm, and then puts him inside at the last moment. This simple trick is often very helpful in assisting the guy to feel that he can ejaculate inside the vagina.

Finally, your fiancée's feelings about you not being able to give her a child are understandable. However, guys with RE can nearly always become fathers.

But in resistant cases, it may be necessary to help the couple with artificial insemination - that is, injecting his seminal fluid into her vagina.

Q: Doc, is it true that the Pill causes cancer?

A The Pill slightly increases the risk of breast cancer, and of cancer of the cervix.

However, it also reduces your risk of getting womb cancer (endometrial cancer), and also ovarian cancer.

There is also some evidence that it reduces the risk of getting bowel cancer.

Q: Is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex?

A No, that is almost impossible.

Q: I work as a cultivator, and I have heard that it is possible to get Legionnaire's disease from the soil. Is that true?

A Legionnaire's disease is chiefly caught from inhaling bacteria present in faulty hot-water systems. Only very occasionally do people pick it up from getting earth in a cut.

But the real danger from soil is tetanus - also known as lockjaw. The spores of this germ are often present in earth, particularly if horse manure has been used on it.

That is why everybody, and particularly gardeners and cultivators, should make sure that their immunisation against lockjaw is up to date.

Q: I am a 20-year-old woman, and I have suddenly started to see a little blood in my urine. This happened soon after I first had sex. Why?

A The likeliest reason is simply a urinary infection. Please collect a morning specimen of your urine in a very clean container and take it to a doc for testing. I am sure that the doctor will be able to cure you quite rapidly.

Email comments and questions for Doc to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com.