DOCTOR'S ADVICE: She is in love with two men

Q : Doc, I would be grateful for your fatherly advice. I am in love with two guys, and I just don't know what to do.

I am 27, and living in Falmouth. Six months ago, I met a man from Ocho Rios, and I fell heavily in love with him. He says that he loves me and he wants to marry me. He is a couple of years older than I, and has never been married. I must tell you that he is great in the sack. I had never discharged until I met him, but soon after we started going to bed together, I found that I could do it again and again. I guess that is what they call 'multiple orgasms,' isn't it? I am not sure what that means.

Well, everything would be fine for me, except for the fact that two months ago I met another guy. I used to go to school with him, and now he lives in Montego Bay.

I don't know how I ended up in bed with him, because I never meant for that to happen.

But he, too, turned out to be a really caring, considerate lover. During one night that I spent with him, I had nine orgasms, so you can see how good he is. A week ago, he told me that he loved me. And without thinking, I blurted out: 'Well, I love you too!' And I meant it.

So now, I am in this crazy situation. I see each guy around twice a week. Each of them says he loves me. And I am sure I love each of them too. Neither of them knows of the other's existence.

A: Well, I don't think that they are going to remain in ignorance of each other's existence for very long! And when one of them finds out about the other, anything could happen. As I am sure you realise, violence often occurs in those circumstances.

Now I must tell you that I have never, ever seen a situation in which a woman managed to love two men, and to have regular sex with them both, over a long period of time. Almost invariably, something goes wrong before very long. One day, the roof falls in, and that can be painful for everybody. I am going to give you some advice in a moment, but first let me deal with this question of your sex life.

You don't seem very sure what the term 'multiple orgasms' means. It just means that the woman has more than one climax in a sex session. Clearly, that is what is happening to you now, and you are achieving it with both guys. I accept your statement that they are both very good lovers. But it may just be that at age 27, your body was at last ready to enjoy multiple climaxes. Incidentally, please don't let yourself be influenced by either guy's performance in bed! That isn't really a good basis for choosing a life-long partner.

You need time BY YOURSELF to sort your head out. So I think you should tell both guys that you are not going to see them for six months. Yes, half a year! By the end of those six months, you should be a lot clearer in your mind about what you want to do with your life. I wish you well.

Q: Doctor, I am a man who is rather worried about the subject of 'morning erections'. I have always understood that a guy should wake up with one every morning. And that is what I used to do when I was a young man.

But I am now 46, and I am sorry to say that these days I only have such an erection on maybe two mornings of the week. What is wrong with me? Does this mean that I will soon lose my nature?

A: Nothing is wrong with you. And you are not going to lose your nature.

Let me just put you right about this business of 'morning erections'. Research has shown that morning erections are indeed quite common in younger males. But for guys in their 40s, it happens on average only about 1.3 times for the week. This means you are above average!

So you are perfectly OK, and you can quit fretting.

Q: I am female, aged 49. Doctor, suddenly my menses have stopped this year.

There has been no irregular bleeding. And I haven't had hot flashes or night sweats or any low feelings. So do you think that this is menopause? I have always understood that all women get really bad symptoms during that time of life.

A: No, you were misinformed. At menopause, quite a lot of women do get distressing symptoms like hot flashes, sweating attacks and vaginal dryness.

But about a quarter of all women have no real symptoms at all when they pass through the 'change of life'. Sounds like that applies to you, so you are lucky.

Q: I am a guy in my late 30s, and I am sure that my penis has gradually got a lot smaller over the last seven years. Is that possible, Doc?

A: Very unlikely indeed. My best guess is that your perception of your organ has changed, because you would like it to be bigger.

But why not just go to a doctor and have the penis and testicles checked out by him? He could tell you whether there is any evidence of shrinkage. And if he thinks it is necessary, you could have a blood test done, in order to check your hormone levels.

Q: I have met this new guy, and I really love him. But he wants me to go in for that 'rectal sex' thing. Should I agree, doc?

A: I do not recommend rectal intercourse to female patients, mainly because the diameter of the male organ is considerably bigger than the diameter of the female anus. As a result, a lot of women get cut and bruised in this way.

Admittedly, many couples do go in for that type of sex and seem to be quite happy about it. However, it does tend to make the woman's anal passage bulge open, so that it may become a little leaky as the years go by. Also, if by any chance the guy happens to have HIV, rectal sex is absolutely the most efficient way of passing it on.

Q: My new girlfriend wants us to have oral sex. Although I am 29, I don't know much about this. Is it possible that the woman could bite the man while doing this?

A: Yes, it is possible. But it should not happen if she takes care. Please note that if the couple is using a condom, quite commonly the woman's teeth may break it, so you have to be careful about that.

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