Doctor's Advice - Is her husband cheating?

• Q Doctor, I would like your advice about my husband. We are both aged 40, and up until now we have had what I would call a pretty 'quiet' sex life.  But since his last birthday, he seems to have changed. He now talks to me a lot about sex, and he has become real interested in squeezing my breasts and buttocks whenever he is near me. Also, he is not just satisfied with ordinary intercourse. He keeps asking me for oral sex, and sometimes he wants me to give him that 'hand job' thing. One night he insisted on having sexual contact between my breasts.

Don't get me wrong, doctor. I am not suggesting that he is a 'sex maniac', or anything like that. He only wants to have sex about twice for the week. But his sexual behaviour has definitely been 'different' this year. I would say that he has become more adventurous. This is leading me to wonder, Doc. Is he having an affair with another woman? I am fretting about this. I would be real sad if he is playing around with someone else.

A. I really do not think that you need to fear that your husband is having sex with another woman.

It is true that when a man starts being unfaithful, his behaviour often changes. But it does NOT usually alter in the way which you have described. More often, what happens is that he suddenly starts spending a lot more time in 'grooming' himself, and making himself look smarter. Also, his hours away from the home may mysteriously change, so that he spends a lot of time in places where his wife cannot get in touch with him.

You don't say that your husband is behaving like that. So it seems to me much more likely that what has happened here is that your man has suddenly realised that he has hit the age of 40, and that life is slipping by pretty quickly. It is common for people who reach 'the Big 4-O' to try and pep up their sex lives by trying out new things. That applies to women as well as men. For instance, I recently saw a female patient who told me that she had celebrated her 40th birthday by getting her husband to buy her a vibrator.

Naturally, I cannot say for certain that your guy is NOT having an affair. But to me, it seems likely that this man is simply trying to spice up your mutual love life because of the fact that he is conscious of the passage of time - and wants to have a lot of fun with you, before it is too late!

• Q Doc, my wife is 47 and recently I have noticed that there are times when she is too 'dry' during sex. To be frank, this pains me. What should I do?

A First, you must TALK to her about this. She may or may not have noticed that she is a little dryer than she used to be. See what she says.

Next, you should do your best to give her lots of 'foreplay' before intercourse, so as to make her love juices flow more freely. Don't forget to create a nice, romantic atmosphere, since this has been shown to have good effect in helping women to lubricate more freely. If your wife agrees, I think you should buy some 'sex lubricant' from a pharmacy. These products are used on a massive scale nowadays, and they are of great help to many couples who are troubled by dryness.

But if the above measures do not work, then talk to your wife about the possibility of consulting a doctor. It may well be that this dryness is occurring because she is approaching menopause. If that is the case, then some vaginal hormone cream, prescribed by the doctor, could be just the thing to get her juices flowing copiously again.

• Q. I have met a wonderful new guy, and think I love him. He is real good in bed.  My only problem with him is that among the many bedtime activities he wants me to go in for, he has this idea that he would like me to sit on his face! I am really not sure whether this is a good idea. Is it abnormal?

A Well, it certainly isn't everybody's choice, but some couples do it. It is popular with men, because it offers them a good chance to. view the lady's intimate parts in 'close up'. Also, it gives a skilled lover a very good opportunity for practising effective oral sex.

On the Internet, there are sites devoted to this activity, and they claim that it is real effective for helping the woman to discharge. However, do NOT be pushed into doing it if you do not want to.

• Q. Is the pill safe for a 30-year-old woman?

A Yes, for most 30-year-olds the pill is very safe indeed, provided that they are not heavy smokers. It is not until quite a few years later that the risks of it start to rise, because the danger of thrombosis (clotting) increases.

• Q I am a guy of 36, and all my life I have suffered from that premature ejaculation (PE) thing. Is it too late for me to get treated, Doc?

A. No. Men in their 30s who have PE are often successfully treated. You should read the stuff available on the Net about using the famous 'Masters-Johnson grip' to defeat PE. Then find yourself a knowledgeable doctor, or therapist, who can teach you how this useful grip is employed. Good luck.

• Q I am female, age 32 and I think I am allergic to condoms. Is this possible?

A. Yes. Both men and woman can be allergic to the materials which are contained in rubber condoms. Symptoms of this allergy include soreness and itching, occurring soon after sex. You and your partner should try and buy some 'low-allergy' condoms. But if they too cause you problems, then you would have to switch to some other method of contraception.

• Q Is it OK for a woman who has passed menopause to discharge during sex, Doc?

A Certainly. Orgasms cannot do your health any harm, and plenty of post-menopausal women have regular orgasms.

• Q My daughter has decided that she wants to be a vegetarian. Will this harm her health?

A No. In fact, vegetarians generally have slightly better health than the rest of us.However, there is a slight danger that your daughter might become anaemic - that is, weak-blooded. That is because humans need iron in order to manufacture their blood, and we get most of our iron from meat.

So if a person becomes a vegetarian, it may be a good idea for them to take iron tablets sometimes. That is particularly important for young women, who invariably lose much iron in the menses.

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