DOCTOR'S ADVICE: She's anxious in bed ...

Q Doctor, I am a woman who has always been a little anxious about sex. When I was in my 20s, I went to bed with men on three separate occasions and it did not go well.

Each time I seemed to 'tense up'. It hurt me a lot. None of the men was able to get very far inside me. And I certainly did not get 'turned on'.

Well, I am now 38 and have met a new man who says he loves me. I love him. In fact, I would like to marry him.

But he is a pretty sexy guy. There is no doubt that he is really interested in my body, which is still in good shape. People say I am a good looking woman.

We kiss a lot and we do a lot of petting. To my surprise he was able to give me an orgasm last week. That was the first time it had happened in my entire life.

We now have some plans for marriage. But of course we have not had sexual intercourse yet. And I am fretting about that, because I remember how badly things went with my previous boy friends.

I am sure that before long he will want to 'go all the way' with me. I am really scared about that. Can you help me?

A I will certainly try! Sounds to me as though you have a mild degree of the female condition called 'vaginismus'.

This is a psychological disorder, caused from anxiety. What happens is that the woman is so scared about the idea of intercourse that she finds it difficult to relax her muscles.

So, whenever a man makes an 'approach' to her vagina, her body tenses up. The vaginal muscles go into a sort of spasm. You could call it a type of 'muscle contract' if you like.

The result is that it is really difficult for a man to enter her inside. If he does succeed, it will probably be very painful for the woman. He may not be able to penetrate very far.

However, this condition of vaginismus CAN be treated. And in your case, I would say that there are already some hopeful signs.

For instance, it is clear that you do feel some physical desire for your new guy. Also, he has managed to give you an orgasm.

That is very good, because it indicates that you have 'moved on' since you were in your 20s. The fact that you have been able to let your man arouse you and give you an orgasm shows that you are now nearly ready for intercourse.

But what I strongly recommend that you do now is find yourself a female doctor who is interested in family planning and related matters. Tell her about your problems.

She will then examine you internally. I am sure that she will be able to reassure you that you have plenty of room inside, and that there is no reason why you should not enjoy intercourse.

Research shows that when women are given that type of reassurance by a female doctor, that often helps them to 'unwind' and to see that intercourse should be a source of pleasure, not pain.

I expect that the doctor will also show you some relaxation exercises, involving deep breathing. You should use these whenever you get into bed with your partner.

I am sure all will go well with you, and I wish you a long and happy relationship with this man.

Q I am a man who has been having trouble with condoms. I have no problem in putting one on, but a few hours later I get real intense itching and pain.

Why?

A You are clearly allergic to some ingredient in rubber condoms.

This is quite common in both men and women.

You should go to a pharmacy and ask them to sell you some 'low-allergy' or 'hypo-allergenic' condoms.

Q I am a female reader of 'The Gleaner' living abroad, and I have got kind of bored with using the Pill. So is that 'cap' thing any good, Doctor?

Do you just put it inside you and leave it there for the next few months?

AThe cap is a pretty good method of contraception. Worldwide, it is used by hundreds of thousands of women, and especially by those who have decided that they have spent enough time on the Pill.

But you cannot just put it into your vagina and leave it there for months! What you do is to put it inside you whenever you think you might be about to have sex.

You then leave it inside all night, and remove it in the morning. After that, you wash it and dry it, and put it back in its container.

Q I performed oral sex on a girl last week while I was visiting St Andrew. Now I have developed sore eyes, with yellow stuff coming out from under the lids.

Is this a kind of VD, Doc?

AWell, it is clearly an infection of the eyes, though I cannot say whether you got it from this girl. But it is very possible that the infection is caused by chlamydia.

That is a common sexually transmitted germ, and it also causes conjunctivitis, which is an inflammation of the eyes. I am sure that you need to see a doctor and be treated with some antibiotic eye drops.

Q Near where I live, there are some real aggressive people who are known for throwing acid. I keep well away from them. But if I got accidentally splashed with acid, what is the best thing to do?

AThe best thing is to flush the affected area of skin with lots of water. This should be done immediately, for instance within five seconds or so.

In an ideal world, an 'acid victim' should jump into a swimming pool, or plunge into Dunn's River Falls! But in the real world, you just have to grab ANY source of water, even for instance a jug of juice, and pour it all over the affected part of the body.

Q Is it safe to take a tranquilliser before a driving test, Doc?

AI really would not recommend this, as the tranquilliser will inevitably make your reaction time slower.

Q My husband and I are separated, and I have sworn that I will not have full sex till I get married again. I do have a boyfriend, but he accepts that I am not going to have intercourse with him.

However, he is pressing me to let him have what they call 'between the breasts' sex. Is this safe?

APutting the man's organ between the female breasts is a very common alternative to full sex. You cannot get pregnant this way. And it is most unlikely to transmit any kind of sexually transmitted infection (STI).

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