DOCTOR'S ADVICE - My boyfriend wants to photograph me naked

Q Doc, I am 31, female and pretty good-looking.

Well, I have a new man in my life right now. He is young, handsome and well-off. I must say that he is a real good lover, and gives me lots of pleasure in bed. I have never met a man who made me orgasm so often.

But we have run into a slight problem. He is a keen photographer. And he has come up with this idea that he would photograph me in the nude. And by this, he means showing my entire body, including my private parts.

He says that I am "so beautiful" and that he would like to have naked photographs of me in his bedroom. I appreciate that this is a compliment to me.

Unfortunately, there is more, doc. Recently, he has been saying that what he really wants to do is to take photographs of us both together, while we are having sex. He has the expensive photographic equipment to be able to do this.

And he means photographs that actually show him penetrating me, in a 'close-up'. To illustrate what he meant, he let me see a picture that he had taken of him with a previous girlfriend.

He says that it would all be "good, harmless fun" and that we would get really turned on by it. But I am not so sure. I do not really feel very turned on by the idea. Am I perhaps abnormal?

Or is he 'kinky' in some way, doc?

A No, from a medical point of view I would not describe him as 'kinky', because it is a fact that many, many guys like to take photos of their partners with no clothes on.

Also, a lot of men are attracted by the idea of photographing or filming themselves having intercourse with a woman.

However, in answer to your other question, you are not 'abnormal'. You see, research has shown that where sex is concerned, guys are much more attuned to photos and other visual images than women are. Females are much more likely to be turned on by erotic words, rather than by erotic pictures.

Now, should you agree to what this man suggests? Well, I would just like to point out to you that there is one big danger here. It is this. After he has taken these photographs, you do not know what he might do with them.

You are probably not aware of this, but some males have a tendency to 'boast' to their friends by showing them intimate photos of girlfriends. I remember a case in which a male student filmed himself having sex with a young lady, and then showed the video to all the other guys at college.

Perhaps worse than that, there is now a tendency for men to put this kind of stuff on the Internet. You can check this for yourself by simply tapping the three words 'photograph,' 'naked' and 'girlfriend' into your search engine.

You will find that you are offered almost four million different photos of women showing their most intimate parts, and/or having sex.

What I find quite distasteful is the fact that some of these Internet 'postings' are clearly placed there by guys who want to insult their ex-girlfriends, or indeed ex-wives. Quite often, the words 'revenge' features in the accompanying comments. Alongside one set of pictures, a man had written: 'After our divorce, my ex-wife got my house and most of my money. But at least I can show the world what her butt looks like.'

So please take care. You simply cannot forecast what your new guy might do with explicit photos of you - especially if you break up from him.

Remember, he has already shown you naked picture of his ex-girlfriend having sex with him. This does not suggest that he is very trustworthy.

Q I am a guy of 27 and I do not know very much about sex. Last week, I went to bed with my new partner for the very first time, and I was real surprised to find that she had far more pubic hair than I had expected.

This put me off for several minutes, doc. But everything was OK eventually.

However, I would like to know if you think that she has something medical wrong with her?

A I doubt it. These days, a lot of young men have the idea that women should have very little pubic hair, or none at all. They obtain this erroneous impression from looking at airbrushed 'pin-up' magazines or porn movies.

But in the real world, most females do have quite a lot of pubic hair. And in many cases, it is not just confined to a small triangle. Quite frequently, it grows a small distance up the belly or down the insides of the thighs. There is nothing abnormal about that.

Q I am a 37-year-old man, and I have a slight burning sensation, and occasionally a slight pain in my lower abdomen. What do you think is the cause of it?

A I have no idea, because of course, I have not examined you! But the fact that you apparently have no other symptoms suggests that this probably isn't serious.

However, the sensible thing for you to do now is to go to a doctor and let him examine you by putting a hand on your belly. Also, it would probably be a good idea for him to examine the back passage (rectum).

So please go and get that check-up.

Q I am a 22-year-old female who has had sex only a few times. The last occasion was six years ago, and I have not been sexually active since then.

I am thinking of starting a new relationship. But will I bleed when I have intercourse, as it has been so long since last time?

Also, my friends have told me that I will feel 'tight', like a virgin. Is that true, doc?

And will there be pain?

A There is no reason at all to think that you might bleed when you resume having sex. The reason why virgins often bleed at first sex is that the penis breaks the hymen (or 'virgin's veil').

But as you are no longer a virgin, you do not have a hymen. Therefore, there should be no bleeding.

But will you feel 'tight'? And will it be painful?

That will largely depend on whether you are nervous and scared. If you are frightened, then the vaginal muscles will probably contract a little, and you may feel somewhat tight. But if you relax and concentrate on enjoying yourself, then it is likely that everything will go well.

My advice: go and see a doctor who knows a lot about contraception. She can check you out and reassure you that all is well. She can teach you how to relax those vaginal muscles, and how to increase your natural lubrication.

Also, she can give you wise counsel about family planning. And if you wish, she can help you choose a bottle of a helpful 'sex lubricant'. I wish you well.

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