Tony Deyal | Coffee, tea or Tony

First it was Coffee Up, Down or Out. It was not just said but made clear to all of us that coffee people tend to be active and bold, quick to make decisions, and seek immediate results.

However, “Tea’s Yin Energy”, is associated with calmness, coolness, and introspection. Tea, with its calming and ritualistic properties, embodies this energy. In fact, black tea was the best choice for a morning boost due to its higher caffeine content and robust flavour. Varieties of black tea with different flavours like apple cinnamon, lemon linger and whatever-else they like, provide the energy and boldness needed to start the day.

Despite one of my friends, Johnno, said, “Tony boy, with all that talk, tell me what kind of tea is hard to swallow?” I replied, “Well when my mother makes it for herself in the morning, I tell her is “home-tea” and sometimes, “hot-tea”.

Worse, I tell her that I don’t want any because that is not what I want to start my morning or anything else.” Johnno laughed a bit and then told me, “Tony, you wrong you know!” Then he added, raising his voice at the end, “What is hard to swallow is REALITY!” I did what we know as “stupes”. He responded quickly, “OK, then, what about ‘Tea, Coffee and What the Heck?’ That could be anything as a third choice. Or you could look at the new thing, get totally confused and run like heck.” I immediately agreed with that and told Johnno, “Boss! that is a ‘manatee’.

It is a huge grey mammal that attack people and other animals. That will make me run even faster. Even Usain Bolt would not be able to catch up with me!” I did not want to make my friend too upset so I said, “Well you could think about other types you know. When in the evening I am reading a book, I call it a ‘novelty’. And when British people put milk in the tea, it is not ‘clear’. Or your mother was so angry she gave you a tea cup with nothing. That is empty.” By then Johnno packed up and, on the move, saying, “Tony, this is it for me. I gone!” As he moved on, I shouted to him, “What is the best tea of all? T&T. Trinidad for me.” He paused on his way out and shouted, “If you continue with that, we must call it, ‘COFFEE, TEA OR TONY.’ Then I will send a big manatee to catch up with you.” I had to have the last word, “If you try that, I will coffee you down and out!”

NEW NAME

Actually, the new name, especially for my birth and growing up in Trinidad, was most appropriate. My mom and two other aunts had babies at almost the same time and, like many families in the Caribbean, mothers and babies spend time with their mother. With so many of us, my grandma put four containers on the table for us to choose what to drink for breakfast. One was “Cocoa-tee”, then there was “Coffee-tea”, “Ginger (or Bush) tea” and “Milo-tea”. The good thing was all of them were full of what we called “plenty milk and sugar” without much of anything in the four choices. While the ladies, our Granma and mothers, were organizing the food, the kids chose whatever drink they preferred. So, from very early, maybe when I was two years old, I started drinking coffee and, if the older ones left Coca, I drank that as well. But, regardless of how much I liked the female star whose partner in dancing was Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, I stayed far from Ginger and Milo who, for me, was a four-letter word. In fact, before I started writing this article, I went in the kitchen and there I mixed a cup of fresh roasted KENYA-AA, and just to show that I am a double drinker, it had beach blossom, orange zest and black tea. Unfortunately, my normal drink from Colombia, got really upset and threw itself to the ground shouting, “AA! AA!” I had to make it clear, “Well the mix of coffee and tea is great. The first time I tried it, I went to a shop where the lady in charge made my coffee and added tea. I tried it and really liked it. In fact, it was amazing. I asked the owner, “That mix tastes extremely good? Why is it such a great mix? Her reply was, “Well Mr. Tony, it’s my Special Tea! Now it’s yours.”

It is an interesting mix full of questions. For example, “Why does the homeless man only drink coffee? Well, he had no proper tea. And “What caused that, a bad cup of coffee that ended his marriage with the pretty lady in charge?” It turned out that he was so angry that he took her to court on grounds for divorce. On the other side of the coin, my friend Jonno came back with, “Listen Tony, if you replace your morning coffee with green tea, you will lose up to 87 per cent of what little joy you have left in your home.” He added, “Worse, never accept tea from the Russian president. That is what cause him to lose his relationship with Trump. He didn’t know what Vladimir Putin.” What I found out, without Putin, or even poot out Trump especially, is that if you want a quick, intense energy boost, go for coffee because it gives you a higher caffeine content. You also get more antioxidants for potential health benefits and more fibre than tea. What you can get from tea, if as my friend called it “you are putting yourself in trouble”, first a smoother, calmer energy boost and, because of the amino acid L-theanine, it promotes focus without the crash of coffee. You also get less caffeine, especially for people who are sensitive to its effects, especially since it can cause anxiety and sleep problems. The experts also say that you should consider both for overall health since both tea and coffee contain polyphenols that support your health; and longevity since both beverages have been linked to a longer lifespan; heart health and diabetes risk because of a lower risk of health disease and type-2 diabetes. The worst thing they say is mindful consumption. If you add sugar and cream to your coffee or tea, the benefits are reduced. What is worse though is when the wife came home and found her husband sipping coffee with another woman. The wife started swearing at him until he said, “Me. Let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover … .”

Tony Deyal saw the other side with the man who told the doctor, “I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.” The doctor said, “Take the spoon our of your mouth.” Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com